i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
