i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
