The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
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