I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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