There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
