Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
