His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
