I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
