While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
