The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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