somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
