I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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