She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
what day is it and did you see me today?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
