What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
