worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
