it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
