If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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