the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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