I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
