I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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