my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I didn't notice because vodka
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
