The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Houston, we have a blender
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
