I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
