i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
