ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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