The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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