I feel like I'm in dance class right now
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
