so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
