i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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