he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
