I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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