My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
