as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
