All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
