If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
