It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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