____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I still have a little drunk in my system
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
