He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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