were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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