i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
