There is no way he is gay with that hair.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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