Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
