how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
