he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
