with your own penis?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
