OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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