did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
