My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
