I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
