Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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