Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
