he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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