Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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